Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Why I Compare Myself to Others: Trusty Chucks + Giveaway


I’m so excited to introduce to you today, Trusty ChucksShe’s one of my fabulous sponsors with a heart of gold. Today she's sharing with us how the comparing game can play with our minds.
Meet Mary from Trusty Chucks


You know those cute mothers that have it all together, make dinner every night, have a perfect marriage, and never sweat?

Me neither.

But I beat myself up at least once a day for not being that mom. That person that I don’t know. That person that, if I met in real life, I’d probably just want to run over with my car.

So it makes no sense that I compare myself to this mythical person that doesn’t exist and I wouldn't like even if she did exist. But I do. All.the.time.

And I could rant and rave for hours about how the world puts pressure on women/moms, how we do it to each other, how reading other’s blogs can become destructive. But I don’t want to blame others because I think, ultimately, it’s up to me. It’s up to me to decide who I let influence me. What I read, what I watch, and who I listen to.

Transparency: some days that works. And some days it doesn’t. The good news is today is a day it’s working. The bad news is all last week it wasn't.

One resolution I made for the new year (allll the way back in January, seems so long ago, really), was to be more transparent in my writing. I don’t want someone to visit my blog and think things that aren't true. Because I need my little space on the Internet, no matter how small, to be positive and uplifting or I’m just wasting my time. And yours.

I started writing a post yesterday with the opening sentence “In my devotion today, I read…” and it was going to be brilliant and moving and change lives. But as I read the first paragraph, I felt the need to add that while I’m awesome and did my devotion today, the last time I did it before today, was February 10th. Two and a half months ago. And because I didn’t share that, the rest of my soon-to-be world-changing revelations felt cheap and fake because I forgot to throw in that I’m not very good at making one-on-one time with my god. And while not proud of it, it’s the truth and you needed to know.

Or when I post a what-I-wore post HERE because I find that fun and it’s given me new passion for what clothes I wear. But for every semi-cute outfit I wear, there are 4-6 boring ones I choose to leave out. Because no one will be inspired by the khakis, Chuck Taylors, and middle school t-shirt that I wore to
work that day. But I make it well known that I can’t keep up the care-about-fashion façade twenty-four-seven. And if you don’t believe me, just ask my husband. He’ll be more than happy to tell you about my love for exercise clothes, especially when I have no intention of working out.

I’m starting to embrace the whole less-than-perfect idea. Sometimes we have peanut butter and jelly for dinner because I’m just too tired to make anything else. Sometimes that smell I love of my daughters’ HERE is masked by the smell of dirt and playing outside and I let them go to bed stinky. And sometimes I don’t shower before going to work because I just can’t get out of bed.

I’ve decided that sort-of a mess Mary is better than always-unhappy Mary. So things are chaotic always sometimes, but I’m genuinely happy. And plus, I read a study recently that said if you’re a mom that questions whether you’re doing enough, that normally means you’re doing enough. And that made the
desire to run over imaginary perfect women with my car go away. Sort of.

Trusty Chucks
Check out Mary’s lovely blog, Trusty Chucks and 
follow her on TwitterFacebook, BloglovinPinterest.





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6 comments:

  1. Loveloveloved this post! Her words definitely hit the nail head on for me!

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  2. Mary your honesty is refreshing. I'm not a mum but there are other situations where this can happen. I've learnt not to compare much anymore but at one point it was quite bad and I was really unhappy. This post encourages me just to keep being me, sure there are things that can be improved but I reckon I'm pretty good the way I am :)

    Laura, I've posted an inspiring post about a young lady and a related giveaway, I hope you'll be able to have a look :) http://vanishaslife.blogspot.com.au/2012/05/connection-to-timor-little-to-big.html

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  3. Thank you for such an honest post! We need to see more of these.

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  4. Really love this post because I find that I am always comparing myself to some imaginary, perfect wife/mom and find myself often frustrated with my shortcomings, my imperfections, etc. (all extremely exaggerated of course). And I feel like I'm just never good enough! Nothing in my life actually reflects that. My house is clean, my daughter is smart, fed, HAPPY, and my husband and I make it our business to work as hard as we can on being the best partners we can for eachother. This post is going to stay with me today, it really struck a nerve and I've got to stop worrying about what Susie Doesn't-Exist is doing that I'm not.

    Thanks for the insight!

    -Theresa

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  5. Mary you are so very wise. I love your honesty, humor, and devotion to your family. I know nobody is perfect but you are perfect for your family. I love spending time with you and hope we can have some more fun this summer. And i'll totally help you run over perfect mom if we see her. ;)

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  6. Mary,

    Can I just say that as a man, husband, father, and whatever else you want to call me, this post hits home with the dudes as well? It's true. I think we go through this same thing daily. You can only be as good as you are and I think that who you are will present itself naturally. There really is no sense in trying to be something you are not. You can try to "better" yourself and change some of your ways but to try to live up to someone else's standards is basically pointless? Why? Because, just as you said, they are doing the exact same thing in their own life. Nobody is perfect and that is what makes us all unique. A perfect world with perfect people sounds like a great thing but I think I'd pass if given the opportunity to live in one. I mean, what is "perfect" anyways? Not an easy question to answer.

    And can I also just say that as a guy, I'm gonna go ahead an tell you ladies that we appreciate all that you do. We love that you try to strive and be the best you can be in all facets of who you are. We love that you can talk friendly to another woman but in the back of your mind you are sizing up the competition and wondering "How? Just how can I...?" We also hate it at the same time because it drives you nuts and in turn drives us more nuts. But that's why we love you.

    And don't feel bad about wearing pajamas or work out clothes. Sometimes we appreciate it more when you aren't all dolled up. Natural in your own comfort is quite attractive. But then again, the reverse is true. That's the beauty of it all. We love you no matter what time of day.

    And as for the kids going to bed without a bath, don't feel bad. I haven't given my kids a bath in 3 or 4 months now and they're doing just fine. They don't seem to mind one bit.

    I appreciate your transparency and wit. Keep it up guuurl.

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