Our Reflection: A Little Piece of Me... Thoughts On Motherhood

Thoughts On Motherhood

My name is Salena and I have been married to Rudy for almost 15 years.

I'm a mother of six and a grandmother of three. I am a stay-at-home mommy to my three little girls and they keep me very busy. I was born and raised on Oahu, Hawaii and I have lived here all my life.

I have been a mother for 27 years. I say 27 years because I believe we are mothers before we even know our babies are growing inside us.

I am mommy to:

Ashley (26)

Kapono (23)

Saphire (22)

Aleshanee (6)

Dakota (4)

Hayden (2)

I am grandmother to:

Makana (4)

Aaliyah (3)

Kaenen (2)

I have been a…

Teenage mother

Single mother

Mother of...

2 baby angels in heaven

Every stage through adulthood

TEENAGERS with raging HORMONES!!!!!

A drama queen

A special needs child

A movie star

A bride

I am also a mother-in-law.

If I missed anything, I know my kids will read this and set me straight. =)

You may be surprised to know, when I was a little girl, I NEVER wanted to have kids. Shocking I know. I am one that cannot stand pain and I knew I would never be able to go through childbirth.

When I was 15 I found out I was pregnant with my oldest daughter, Ashley. In all the shock, fear (of my parents), and being disappointed in myself, the one thing I knew is I wanted to keep my baby. There was not even a hint of doing anything otherwise. I had my son, Kapono when I was 18 and then my daughter, Saphire at 19.

Many years in between… 16 to be exact

5 years of unexplained secondary infertility

Fertility procedures

Fertility drugs and injections

Surgeries

And a heart breaking missed miscarriage at 11-1/2 weeks (you can read about it more here) and all that goes along with that… we were finally blessed with our daughter, Aleshanee.

Then, to our total shock… we were eventually blessed with our daughters, Dakota and then Hayden.

Most recently, another shock... we found out we were expecting again. I suspected on Thanksgiving that something wasn't right. Sure enough we found out we were pregnant again. Unfortunately, at 9-1/2 weeks, on New Years Eve we lost our baby to another missed miscarriage (you can read about it more here).

Looking back at it all there are some days I wonder how I got here. When I read this back I am amazed to see how much I have changed, how much God has entrusted me with and how much I am blessed.

People ask me advice all the time and assume I know everything about parenting. They tell me that I must be a pro at this because I have so many kids and have been a mother for so long.

Here are some things I can share with you…

Each child is different

They have a mind of their own

They have different needs and sometimes it happens all at the same time

They need to experience life, good and bad

They cannot be controlled

They need your undivided attention

They need to be heard

They need to be understood

They need for you to be fair to them

They need your protection

They need to feel loved and they need you to express it with words, by physical touch, and by your actions

They need to know you are proud of them

They need your support

They need to know you believe in them

One thing I know for sure… we are here for a purpose. As parents, we want to protect our children. Naturally we don’t want them to get hurt. I’m learning that we are to guide them in the right direction but ultimately God is using them for a bigger purpose. With my older kids, I tried to control their environment and protect them from everything that seemed harmful. I mean, it seems only natural that a mother would do this. My kids did not benefit from being protected in that way. I didn’t step back and allow God to work in their lives in His way. Don’t get me wrong… I believe that HE prevails no matter what I do. I do however know that I need to do things differently with my younger 3 and ultimately with all of them, including my grandchildren in the future.

I must constantly remind myself that they are here for a greater purpose. To step back and let them find what it is they are here for. To trust that the things they are going through, the choices and mistakes they make all lead to God molding them to where they need to be. When I have this understanding, I am better equipped to love them, believe in them and to support them in their Journey.

xoxo, Salena